I got a phone call yesterday that excited me! May seem silly but that does not happen often- I really do not get that many calls except for many appointment reminders from doctors offices for Kasey! Anyway- this phone call requires some backstory!
Recently, I have realized that I need someone (or several someones) who are reliable and will catheterize Kasey or be able to take care of her when for some reason I can’t. So when we went to the pediatrician last week I talked to her about getting someone to help occasionally and she recommended that its time for us to have a home health aide. I had mixed feelings and said okay and she wrote up an order for twenty hours a week. Yesterday- I got a call from the home health aide place about setting up an appointment for the Supervisor and the Recruiter to come out and talk to me on Friday! The supervisor will talk to me about everything and the recruiter will help figure out what type of personality someone will need to interact the best with Kasey. I did not expect things to move so quickly!
Of course, as with most decisions and things in life, there are two sides to the coin. In this case, the coin is my emotions. Sure- it will be great to have some help with Kasey. She’s getting heavier and heavier and some days its really hard to juggle it all. However, at the same time I struggle with my emotions. I feel somewhat as if I’m going to be less of a parent for making this decision. I feel as if I am her mother so I should be able to do it all. However, that is something I am going to have to work on letting go of. I cannot do it all. I feel as if I should but I am only one person and trying to do it all is wearing me thin rather quickly.
It is amazing how many different emotions that are brought out of you as a mother to a child with special needs. Anger, Sadness, etc. Actually, I read once that parents of children with special needs go through all the stages of grief- numerous times. Pretty interesting stuff! I will have to blog more about that at another time though because motherhood and duty are calling!