We plan...God laughs

Obviously, He's not up there actually laughing at us but our plans don't always go the way we want.

I won't lie. Things have been a bit crazy lately.

From surgery (her 11th but first one since Renly was born so almost 2 years) to new diagnoses - things have been a bit crazy schedule wise.

And- I thought I was going to be getting ready to start another year homeschooling as well.

Until her appointment where we got her diagnoses from neuropsych where they brought up a local school here that specializes in special needs.

I never had even considered sending her to school before.

We truly believe homeschooling is something important to our family. We've always said our kids would be homeschooled.

But learning that Kasey has some learning needs I don't know how to help her with has really changed some things up for us.

So we toured the school.

5:1 classroom ratio.

30 minutes each of art, computer and PE each day.

The school has exactly 1 spot open in the lower levels. 1.

We filled out the paperwork and handed it in. She's a student.

One of the initial motivators for me being okay with sending her was the behavioral support- but then we found out that insurance won't cover ABA without an autism diagnosis. Even if ABA has been recommended by neuropsych.

I was all "okay ,that door is closed. Back to homeschooling plans"

Then- they said we could do mental/emotional support instead: so a combo of OT, PT and Mental Health support.

So again, I changed my plans.

And now- we're waiting. School starts a week from this Monday and we aren't sure if she'll start in time. She can't start until we have paperwork from the place that does all the therapies saying that they can cover those 14 hours a week.

So we're in this stage of waiting and wondering and... I'll admit it. I'm a planner when it comes to some things and right now I don't know if she's going to school. If she's going to be homeschooled. I don't know what to do.

Do I order a backpack? Do I start getting supplies? Do we go ahead and buy her uniforms?

This is not a path I saw God sending us down at all. I'm terrified to be honest. Kasey goes back and forth between excitement and being nervous and anxious.

However, I am {trying} (because I'm human and stubborn sometimes) to have faith that this is a path He wants us to go down. That this will work out best for her.

So- if everything goes the way it should- she'll be in school 5 days a week all day.

Which means- My days are going to be a lot more empty. Thankfully with the two littles at home things will not be quiet by any means!

At this point- I'm working on learning to let go of "my" plans and focusing on allowing His plans to come to fruition without fighting them so hard. Sometimes I definitely feel like kicking and screaming a bit about changes in plans.

But don't we all? Even as adults, we want things our way. We want our plans often vs. His plans. It's hard to trust in plans out of our control.

We have to learn to let go and let God. (another one of those sayings you hear often)

So- that's what I'm going to try to do.